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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27954500">used to be so fragile/now i'm so wild</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenworms/pseuds/tenworms'>tenworms</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Blaseball (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Season 11, because jess is kinda a toxic person in this!, heads up: their dynamic in this fic is pretty toxic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:21:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27954500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenworms/pseuds/tenworms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jessica Telephone gets into a fistfight with Jaylen Hotdogfingers. Nagomi comforts her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jessica Telephone/Nagomi McDaniel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>used to be so fragile/now i'm so wild</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>content warnings: minor violence, unhealthy coping mechanisms, minor (?) body horror, general blaseball-related trauma, swearing</p><p>title from party girl by michelle gurevich!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nagomi has to bodily drag Jessica away from Jaylen by the waist. She uses both arms. She keeps her claw tightly clenched so she won’t cut Jess by accident.</p><p>Jessica’s clawing at her, screaming incoherently, kicking and thrashing to wiggle out and get back to trying to punch Jaylen to a pulp. Jaylen just stands there, panting, bruises forming on her face, and turns to spit blood. Her suit is rumpled, tie untucked from her collar from where Jessica evidently tried to strangle her. She watches, silent, jaw clenched, as Nagomi struggles backwards with Jess in her grip. </p><p>“You killed my brother!” Jess shouts, over and over, slamming her fists into Nagomi’s carapace. “You killed him! How the fuck can you just <i>live</i> with that! You should be dead instead of him! <i>You</i> should be dead!” </p><p>Nagomi doesn’t apologize for her. </p><p>Jaylen still doesn’t say anything either, doesn’t move. Which is good, because everybody here is too fucking cowardly to hold her back if she did go for it again. </p><p>Jessica laughs, sharp and sudden, like a hyena, and goes limp. “You know,” she says, giggling, “if he’s still stuck in this fucking hell game, at least you’re stuck in it too. At least you didn’t get away either.” </p><p>There are two different colors of lipstick on Jess’s neck, Nagomi notices. </p><p>Jessica suddenly stops digging her heels into the floor, and Nagomi takes a moment to catch her balance, and they’re shoving past people and out the front door, into the night. </p><p>The cold clearly hits Jess like a brick wall, because she goes stiff and starts shivering almost immediately. She’s just in her shirtsleeves— she lost her jacket at some point during the night, and it’s way too cold out here for a Texan to be without a jacket. </p><p>Nagomi sits her down on the marble steps, and she immediately curls into a ball and starts violently sobbing. </p><p>Nagomi very gingerly sits down next to her. </p><p>“God, who the fuck thought this was a good idea?” Jess says wetly, muffled by her knees. “Mandatory blaseball gala. Put everyone in a building together and don’t let anyone leave! Sure! Why not!” </p><p>Nagomi reaches out to put her hand on Jessica’s back, hesitates. “I know,” she says. </p><p>“I’m just—“ Jess starts, and then she’s gone again, sobbing so hard it sounds like she’s choking, coughing on the exhale and wheezing on the inhale. Nagomi puts her arm around Jess after all, and she leans in instantly, clutching Nagomi’s collar and shaking. She’s got her face pressed to Nagomi’s shoulder, and for some reason, it burns. </p><p>“I know,” says Nagomi, stroking the hair at the nape of Jessica’s neck. Her shoulder really does burn, actually. She has to clench her claw tight to keep from wincing. But she does it for Jess. </p><p>“I’m so fucking alone,” she says, into Nagomi’s jacket, and <i>there</i>, god, a spike of anger. A splinter of it, running through her. </p><p>“You have me,” Nagomi says, rubbing Jessica’s shaking upper back soothingly instead of shoving her away. </p><p>Jessica leans back suddenly, smiles broad and sunny, her patented Telephone smile. Her face is streaked with red and her tears look— <i>wrong</i>, somehow. “I know, Gomi. You’re my best friend, you know that?” she says, and reaches out to twirl Nagomi’s hair in between her fingers, cups her cheek in her hand, strokes the exposed teeth with her thumb. “I love you so much.” Her eyes are empty. </p><p>“No, you— jesus <i>christ</i>, Jess.” Nagomi’s shoulder is still burning, and she can’t—</p><p>She looks down, and Jessica’s tears have melted clean through her shirt and the last bit of skin covering her carapace. As she watches, the flesh at the edges of her newly exposed shell fizzes, liquifies, and drips away in streaks of red. </p><p>Jess laughs, high and hollow and frantic. “I cry battery acid. Sorry, babe.” She sniffles. Giggles and points to the tear tracks on her face. “These’ll be chemical burns, come morning.” </p><p>Nagomi can’t say anything. She kind of feels sick. She thinks about the new shiny shell on her shoulder and then decides not to think about it yet, thinks instead about how hard it is to find new shirts that fit her arms because that’s an easier loss to deal with. “Does this... happen often?” she says, carefully. </p><p>Jess looks at her, incredulous. “I just cried battery acid on you.” </p><p>“So?” says Nagomi, flippant, and it’s the shittiest compromise between wanting to comfort her and wanting to be mad at her.</p><p>“So? So? Scream at me! Scream at me, or, or, kiss me, or something! Tell me you <i>want</i> me. Tell me you <i>hate</i> me.” Jessica’s wild-eyed, teeth bared, something gleaming. All jagged edges. Shattered plastic. </p><p>Nagomi’s fingers curl at the base of Jess’s skull. “You need to talk to someone,” she says quietly. </p><p>Jessica pouts at her. “I’m talking to you,” she says.</p><p>“Don’t do that,” says Nagomi, trying very hard not to snap. She stares into a streetlight until she’s made it a blank spot in her vision, counts to ten. </p><p>“Don’t do what?” says Jess. “Don’t do what? Don’t do what?” </p><p>“You’re—“ says Nagomi, readjusts. “This. God. You can’t just...” </p><p>She trails off, and Jess slides her hand across Nagomi’s chest. “Can’t what?”</p><p>There’s a faint sizzle from where Jess’s hands had some of her tears on them. Nagomi wants to scream, or shove her away, or— “Love and attention aren’t the same thing, Jess. You can’t keep replacing one with the other.” </p><p>“Yes, they are,” Jess murmurs, leaning in, “and yes I can.” She moves suddenly, grabs Nagomi by the front of her collar, and suddenly she’s kissing her. </p><p>It’s— Nagomi lets it happen for too long, hates how much she doesn’t mind it. She hates the way Jess’s tears sizzle harmlessly against the exoskeleton of her jaw. Something catches fire in her chest. </p><p>She shoves her off. “Don’t.” </p><p>Jess pouts and goes to say something, but Nagomi’s faster. She feels like she’s boiling over. “I’m not letting you make me one of your fucking distractions.” </p><p>“That’s not fair,” says Jessica, twisting her lip, tucking her arms against her chest.</p><p>“Isn’t it?” says Nagomi, sharp. “What else am I here for? Just—“ She sighs, rubs her eyes. “I don’t want it to happen like this.”</p><p>“Oh,” says Jessica, quietly, and sniffles. She’s crashed: all the fight’s gone out of her. “Okay.” </p><p>There’s still crickets chirping, despite the chill. Jessica is leaning on her knees, staring into space, eyes not even tracking the movement of a bug that flies right past her face. She’s still shivering. She looks so small.</p><p>She probably doesn’t even realize she’s cold, Nagomi thinks. </p><p>So she slips off her jacket and— “Here,” she says, holding it out. “For you. To borrow. Or, hell, to keep. You melted a hole in it anyway.” </p><p>It takes a second for her to stop zoning out. “Thank you,” she says, in the same small, high voice. She puts it on and it dwarfs her, but she looks less cold now.</p><p>“That’s what I’m here for,” says Nagomi, and it genuinely takes effort to keep her voice from breaking. </p><p>The only acknowledgement she gets for that is a tiny smile before Jess presses the heel of her hands to her eyes and inhales. “God, I can’t go back in there now,” she says. She leans against Nagomi again, but it’s not… Nagomi’s at least relatively sure that Jess is thinking of her as a person. Thinking of her as Nagomi, and not as a warm body.</p><p>“I know,” she whispers. “Sit here with me for a bit.” </p><p>They sit. The sky is thick with light pollution, washed-out and luminous, but no cars drive past. And after a while, Jessica even stops shaking.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading!! comments/kudos make my day if you feel so inclined, and if not, hope you have a good one yourself!</p><p>you can find me on tumblr at <a href="https://919.tumblr.com/">@919</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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